so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
