I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
