even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
