my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
