i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
