Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and she was petting her beer can
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize