all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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