Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
