Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
