I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
