just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
