he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
