whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And then my night got REAL pukey
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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