why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
