so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
