Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
