i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
