i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
