I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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