i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
