every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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