38 yer olds are good kisserssss
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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