no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
