you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I want her autograph on my taint
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
