so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
