Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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