U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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