We won't sleep together?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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