happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
