your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
