yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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