You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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