Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
