So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
