please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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