Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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