adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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