I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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