THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
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