He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
