sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
