Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
