My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Blood and glitter go together right?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
