How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
