Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
