so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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