Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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