It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
