idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
