turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
