now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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