Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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