Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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