I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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