I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
