I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
