Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
