O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
