with your own penis?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
