we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
