I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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