I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
