i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
