i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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