My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
