Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize