you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
