Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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