a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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